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Showing posts from March, 2018

do I stay or do I go?

You know what makes me feel good?  To see a 50-something woman with a soft jawline; someone with that delicate tender pooch beneath her chin.  This makes me feel better about my pooch, my neck, my chin.  If it is happening to others then it must be ok that it is happening to me.  There is safety in numbers.  However, sometimes I am of the mind that it is ok for someone else to have such-and-such wrong with them but it is not ok if I have that same thing wrong with me.  Comparison is the thief of joy.  This is even true if you compare yourself with yourself, like your younger self or your used-to-be self.  I am doing this a lot lately because I am not feeling as brave and fearless as I once used to be.  For example.....

I'm supposed to be moving across the country in a month and even though I've made this same move seamlessly several times before, this time I am terrified.  I've consulted friends about this dilemma and the consensus is that by the time we are our age we ha…

why 1998 was the best year ever

It's time for me to do what they call in twelve-step groups a  "geographic".   A geographic refers to when you move somewhere else to avoid any uncomfortableness in your current life, instead of dealing with the problem head-on.  It's when you are certain your life would be better if only you lived somewhere else.  But then there is the catchy phrase "Wherever you go, there you are."  In other words, you bring all your emotional baggage with you.  As you can imagine "geographics" are often frowned upon.  But I have extenuating circumstances.

My live-in boyfriend and I broke up six months ago but due to the insanely high rents (that continue to skyrocket) in my area, neither one of us could afford to move out locally on our own.  So we both stayed put until we decided where to go and what to do.  Needless to say, it was pretty uncomfortable at first.  We both had a lot of rage and resentments and general irritation with each other.  The first few m…

love & connection

Today I dressed for Bruno Mars.  That's right, I planned my outfit as if I were going to run into him.  These days he's a pretty flashy guy with the Versace and gold chains and my old punk rock friends from high school would be appalled by me liking a pop celebrity.  But I don't care, I have a mad crush on him.  I have a real thing for short, slight men; that's my type.  I mean, come on, look at Prince  (my high school friends would approve of him).
Anyway, the point is to dress with intention.  No more over-sized tops and leggings!  I'm trying to dress with some excitement and enthusiasm, as if I really cared which I don't because I am in a slump.  It's only a minor slump but still, it does feel better when I make an effort and put together some dark-wash skinny jeans with ankle boots and my denim jacket lined with pink faux fur.  And makeup too.  Because it's about loving and respecting myself; cherishing and celebrating and decorating the body that …