Skip to main content

3 things of interest

Huge apologies for not having blogged for over a month!  I was in the middle of moving house and it was a big big mess, both physically and emotionally.  That coupled with the fact that I am absolutely incapable of multi-tasking.  The whole thing took a lot out of me and today is the first day I haven't felt like a zombie.  Well mostly.   But on to the point of this post, I've had several realizations since we last met.

#1  The other day I concluded that playing dolls with my 5 year old niece is in many ways similar to having phone sex.  I don't mean that in a pervy way so please let me explain.  In both instances I disassociate.  I am physically but not mentally present.  I am people-pleasing and faking that I am having fun.  I am acting.  I am roleplaying.  And I am too much of a control freak to let go and enjoy role-playing.  The main difference between the two situations is that with my niece she will correct me if I say or do something she doesn't like with the Barbies or Paw Patrol; she directs the whole show.  My phone lovers on the other hand just plow ahead focused and determined and too horny to care if I say something amiss.  Call me frigid or call me unfriendly,  but I find both situations equally boring, uncomfortable, and unsexy.  However if given a choice between the two I will always pick Barbies with my niece because she means the world to me and any time spent with her is precious.

#2  Also while I've been absent I had a birthday.  I won't tell you which one but let's just say that at this point I am resigned.  However there is something weird about my birthday that you should know.  Bad shit happens on or right next to my birthday.  On or around April 19th things implode.  First of all Hitler was born April 20, 1889.  Second of all, April 19, 1993 there was the Waco Branch Dividian siege.  April 20th 1999 was the Columbine school shootings, the Timothy McVey Oklahoma bombing was April 19, 1995, and the 1992 Rodney King Riots were in the general vicinity.   See what I mean?  It's kinda creepy and upsetting.

Not exactly next to my birthday was the 2013 Boston Marathon bombing and city-wide lockdown (April15/16), but that brings me to the most important event of all.  On April 19, 1775 was the "Shot Heard Round The World".  Yes folks, that day in Lexington, MA began the American Revolutionary War.  That day we asserted our independence from England and took steps to become the U S of A.  In New England this day is an actual holiday called Patriots Day.  Some people even get the day off work.   Growing up my grandfather always called me and reminded me that my birthday was on such a momentous day.  It felt kinda special.  However now that I've written all this out it seems like everything awful happened mostly in the 90s.  Maybe it was just a bad decade overall and certainly something must have been up astrologically, but in the 90s I wasn't feeling so special.

#3  The third thing of note was that I realized I have a thing for Russian men.  They've got the accent, they've got the cheekbones, and they've got the chivalry thing down pat.

It all started when I inadvertently hired a moving company that was comprised mostly of Russian men.  Just talking to the office guy on the phone I fell in love.  I can't believe that I never noticed how sexy a Russian accent was before!  And then there were the hot young Russians who rescued - I mean moved - me and my furniture.  They treated us with the utmost respect and tender loving care.  I have never had a mover handle my furniture so well, and I have moved many many times.  I was totally impressed!  A few days after the move the sexy-voiced office guy called to make sure everything had gone ok and that I was happy with my move.  Such attention to detail!  Such consideration!

Being the susceptible romantic that I am, I immediately googled "what is it like to date a Russian man".  Of course I realize I am dealing with stereo-types here but apparently Russian men are what most of us would consider old-fashioned.  The articles said they are very protective of their women, always want to pay for the date, are heavy drinkers, and while quite family-oriented are also major cheaters.  I'm not so sure I like that last bit.  But phase two of my move is happening in another month and you can bet I will be hiring my Russians for that as well.  I'm hoping maybe a little more magic will happen; I wouldn't mind putting a face to the voice of that office guy.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

homage to an ex

I am a sucker for a good romantic story and I have started many a questionable relationship just because the storyline was hot.  The most solid example of this is the case of my first husband, the only difference is that he wasn't questionable.  He was pretty great.

In 1989 I was a wild child, free-spirited, rockabilly art student, living in San Francisco with a couple of more conservative "normal"  young women.  One of the women had a friend from college who was an officer in the Marine Corps and we were all invited down to Twenty Nine Palms to visit him and his friend on base.  I thought it would be kitsch to go; it appealed to my sense of the ironic.  Little did I know I would fall in love.  With the desert.  A searing 104 degrees melted all my tensions and aggressions and the two Marines turned out to be super cool.  We shared a similar love of Elvis,  classic old movies starring Humphrey Bogart, and cheap whiskey.  They both had romantic sensibilities which may be …

high school confidential

Yesterday I ran into someone who I went to high school with and we got to reminiscing about hanging out in the smoking section at school.  Can you imagine!?!  A smoking section in a high school is almost as bad as the days before cars had seat belts.  AND I often used to smoke clove cigarettes.  Does anyone even smoke those anymore?  I eventually stopped because I got a bad throw-uppy hangover after a night of drinking cheap sugary wine and smoking cloves and I am sure that even today the smell would make me want to puke.  On the other hand, I still love the smell of average burning cigarettes even though I quit them cold-turkey in 1992.

Being underage it was sort of hard to buy cigarettes (cigarette vending machines were often the best bet) but I somehow always had them.  My school lunches regularly consisted of cigarettes.  I either had Tab, celery and carrot sticks, and a couple cigarettes, or I had Tab, peanut M&Ms, and a couple cigarettes.  Today I would be horrified if I fo…

untethered

I just moved from an ugly city to a pretty city and I'm scared.  I upheaved my whole life, got what I wanted, and now am having to deal with all that entails.  Some of you may have read my blog posts rambling on about whether I should move to Massachusetts or not, so you might be interested to know that I decided to stay in Silicon Valley.  I thought it would be the easier of the two moves to make but now I am not so sure.

I had been all gung-ho to move to Massachusetts, the land I loved, and had made all kinds of vision boards, colorful affirmations, and inspiring pictures that I put everywhere to ensure it happened.  I was certain it was meant to be.  But the expenses of such a huge move were adding up and there just weren't any decent apartments for rent in the area I wanted to be in.  I had been looking for a couple months when I started getting really sad to leave my family, friends, and support groups here in California.  It felt like I was trying to force a square peg …