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Showing posts from November, 2018

celebrity crushes: Freddie Mercury, Leonard Nimoy, and Jesus

Why do we get celebrity crushes?  Clearly part of the reason has to do with their charisma.  And partially, because they are icons, we can project all kinds of desirable traits and characteristics onto them.  Then we might feel like we actually know them.  They may be physically attractive either in a sexual attraction kind of way or in an envious or inspirational kind of way.  So we feel an intense  desire to know them.  Celebrities can be good role models or not. I occasionally get the girl crush but my heavy-hitter big celebrity crushes happen to be men:  Freddy Mercury, Leonard Nimoy, and Jesus .  Now don't get all riled up about the Jesus thing I will explain it later, let's just start with Freddy Mercury.

It is not unlike me to get a crush on a gay man.   You may analyze it all you want but I know I am not the only woman who does that.  Although sometimes I think I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body.  But Freddie Mercury's looks and the way he moved were uni…

on dealing with depression

Here's thing thing about depression; it is really self-destructive.   I was watching the movie A Star Is Born and the Jackson Main character was such a tortured self-destructive alcoholic that I shocked myself by how much I related to his pain.  His powerless compulsions mirrored how I feel trying to battle my depression.  I'm not saying all depressives are alcoholic but when I picked up my first drink at age 15 I did it mainly so I wouldn't have to care (about what others thought of me, about my school grades, about my future, about the fights going on at home, or even about the emotional pain I felt inside).  I have also been depressed on and off since the age of 15, and just like with drinking, when I am depressed I don't care.  I wonder if on some level my depression is a subconscious path I take in order not to care.  To numb out like with the drinking.  Almost my entire life I've just wanted to check out, and since I gave up drinking in 1997 maybe the depres…