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first kiss

I have been boy-crazy all my life up until recently. When I was a girl my favorite board game was The Bride, where you roll the dice and advance down the aisle collecting a groom, something old, something new, something blue, a bouquet etc.  It's what I aspired to.  And my favorite game shows as a kid where The Dating Game, and The Newlywed Game.  I've been in love with love as long as I can remember.

When I was a pre-teen I read and re-read the OG young adult novelist Judy Blume and dreamed of being able to play the game she described where a boy and girl get shut in a closet together and see what happens.  Of course spin the bottle was another favorite of mine but one that I didn't get to play nearly enough.  Also in my early teens I discovered my aunt's stash of Harlequin Romances and spent an entire weekend surreptitiously devouring one after another.  They were my gateway drug into the full length bodice rippers that I've been addicted to most of my life.  Romance novels were my ultimate in escapism. *

But given all that, these days I find myself romantically challenged.  I just don't have the interest.  Nothing and no one is doing it for me (see post on sex & romance) and I have concluded that what I need to snap me out of my funk is a really good first kiss.  Preferably with someone I don't know all that well.  Because I did have a first kiss of sorts the other evening and it didn't do it for me.  Granted, it was with someone I had dated years ago, someone I had a history with so maybe that was the problem.  I wanted and was expecting the raised heart rate and fluttery stomach but was disappointed when it didn't happen.  Is it just me?  Maybe.  But I'll never get a second chance to find out because after our dinner date he ghosted me.  I guess he wasn't impressed by our kisses either.

My best memories of first kisses are from my junior high school dances.  I guess I would have been 13/14.  Back then a lot of school dances had live bands play - local bands who did cover songs.  In hindsight that seems so cool and probably added to the budding sexual tension in the air.  There was the thrill of waiting to be asked to slow dance, preferably by someone cute or even had a crush on.  The locking of each other in a body-touching-body embrace, and shuffling in a square foot patch of gymnasium floor while being serenaded by songs like Stairway To Heaven, Free Bird, Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady.  Those were some of the best songs because they were nice and long providing plenty of time to make out.  So that's what we did.  Or at least I did.  I never talked about it with any of my girlfriends (secret shame?) so I don't know.  Maybe I was known as "fast" and the boys only kissed with me, because I would kiss as many different boys as there were slow dances.

But those were chaste kisses, only occasionally involving a little tongue, and never ever spoiled by they grabbing of a boob.  Ok, so maybe we did grind a little, I don't really remember,  What I do remember is the longing to be kissed and the magical fulfillment of that longing.  First there was the excitement of being asked to slow dance. Then we'd entwine our bodies and sway a few steps with that wonderful hormone-fueled stirring of tension, waiting to see if he's kiss me.  This was followed by the turn-on of the actual kiss.  The enchantment of connecting with another person in such a way; the wanting of it to go on forever.  And certain mysteries were revealed:  did he smell of soap or sweat, was he a sloppy or skilled kisser, did this mean he really liked me and would he ask me to slow dance again?

It was all quite extraordinary really.  What I wouldn't give to feel that rousing right now!  But I think this might be a sign of me needing some excitement in my life in general.  I swore I would never do online dating agin though.  Maybe I should take a class....

* A shout out to a few of my fave old-school romance novelists:  Nora Roberts, Johanna Lindsey, Jude Deveraux, Judith McNaught, Virginia Henley, Judith Krantz, Rosamunde Pilcher, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Mary Balough, and more...


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